The Various Neurosis of Teddy Lupin  Complete
by Pandapens
Summary: Teddy is about to have a very stressful week... NC-17 - Teddy/Albus Severus
1. Chapter 1

Teddy is making his third cup of tea that night. He adds three lumps of sugar and stirs three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, then wanders into the living room of his cottage. He rests his tea on the coffee table, turns the handle of his mug right to face the window, then trots over to the light switch, which he flips on and off three times. He sits on the sofa and stretches, not feeling entirely relaxed, because there's a magazine on the coffee table. Said magazine is askew.

He straightens it, then lies back on the sofa again and lets his eyes slide shut, as he begins to contemplate a very _very _stressful day.

He works at the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures Department. He wanted to work with werewolves, for obvious reasons, but when he asked _if there was any p-p-possibility of him getting a promotion... maybe... p-please? _he was practically laughed out of his boss's office.

Today, his boss had asked him to draft up a new set of regulations on the keeping of Puffskeins as household pets. He problem was, Davis had stolen his ruler. And without his ruler, Teddy couldn't make sure the margin on his parchment was exactly three centimetres wide.

And when he asked Davis if he _could, erm, have the ruler b-b-back, p-please?_ Davis snorted and threw one of those blasted paper aeroplanes at him.

Teddy put a complaint in with Martha from Staff Welfare (_Oh for fucks... What do you want this time Lupin?_) and got it back eventually. But after all that, he didn't have time to finish the new regulations and he was penalised. In front of everyone. Teddy could have died with the embarrassment. And of course, as it always happened when he was shouted at, he began to hyperventilate, his heart beat faster than a humming bird's and he had to lock himself in the cleaning supplies cupboard until he calmed down an hour and a half later.

Very stressful day indeed.

It was, however, very nice to relax after one, Teddy mused. He might have a bath. With Lilacs. And bubbles. And exactly thirty gallons of hot water.

He sighed and felt his shoulders unknot at the thought. He sat up with a start and a loud gasp. His shoulders tensing again and his heart beating painfully fast in his chest.

A bang on the door. Several very loud bangs on the door. Eight, to be exact.

"I'm coming! P-p-please stop banging!" Teddy called, leaping from the sofa. The banging did not cease until he opened the door (The bang count at sixteen now).

"Oh... Albus. What a nice surprise" Teddy said, smiling at the sneering youth on his doorstep. "Would you like to come in?"

"... have you seen the weather, you fuckwit? Of course I want to come in" Albus snapped, gesturing at the rain behind him. He pushes past Teddy and flops onto the sofa, kicking off his shoes and dumping the heavy bag on the ground. Teddy knocks on the door five times (Had to bring the number up to twenty one.) and closes it quietly.

Albus pouted on the sofa, scowling, his arms fold huffily across his chest.

"What's wrong Albus?" Teddy asked gently, crouching down in front of him. Albus' bottom lip juts. His t-shirt is wet and it clings to his frame.

"My parents are twats. And for the millionth time don't call me Albus. It's Al."

"B-but that's your name"

"It's a fucking idiotic name given to me by a... a sentimental old come stain"

"D-d-don't talk about your D-dad like that Albus" Teddy says, _nearly _sounding forceful.

"It's Al! For fucks sake!"

"Alright then _Al_. What has happened to cause you to be hammering on my door in the dead of night?"

"... It's nine o'clock."

"Yes, much too late to be breaking down my door now, isn't it?" Teddy says with a warning smile. Albus sneers.

"You, are a complete fucking dork, Teddy" he sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. "I ran away from home"

"What!" Teddy gasps. He'd tried running away from home before. Well, just that once. He was four and he'd made it down the garden path before he'd fallen down, skimmed his knees and ran back indoors. "What for!" he breaths. When Teddy ran away, he'd planned on going to Harry's house.

"_They_ were being arse holes." Albus sniffs "See, they got new dress robes for James and Lily. But not for me. And I know it sounds stupid, but they're always ignoring me! Mum said it was just 'cause mine still fit me, but that's such a bull shit excuse because James doesn't even live with us any more" Albus pauses briefly to flick his hair out of his eyes "They always forget about me" he huffs. Teddy suppresses cocking an eyebrow. Albus is the apple of his parent's eye. Teddy knows it. The Weasleys all know it. Even poor James and Lily know it. Albus' lip quivers, Teddy is sure he's doing it on purpose.

"They just don't love me as much." He says dramatically. There are even tears in his eyes.

"Al... you know for a fact that's not true" Teddy sighs. He rests a hand on Albus' shoulder.

"I just... I think I need a break from them" he says, a fat tear rolling down his cheek. "Lily is so annoying. Always flaunting her perfect marks in my face and James and his bloody fucking acting career" He lets out a sob and looks Teddy right in the eye. "Do you think I c-could stay here for a couple of days?" and before Teddy even realises he's doing it, he feels a lump in his throat and he blurts

"Of course Albus, stay as long a you want" Albus lets out yet another sob, then flings his arms around Teddy.

Teddy does not feel Albus grin as he buries his face in Teddy's neck. Nor does he see evil flash in a pair of bright green eyes.

"Teddy... come on... you know he's only doing it to get a reaction out of me and Ginny" Harry says imploringly. Concern crinkling his forehead. Teddy feels his stomach twist with guilt. On the one hand, Harry is always right. Harry is Harry and can, therefore, do no wrong. On the other hand, poor Albus did seem genuinely distressed last night. Well... sort of.

"I don't know Harry... maybe... if he just stayed over for a few nights... so he can cool off, and..."

"But Teddy. He's up to something. I can feel it." Harry's eyes narrow "I love him Teddy, Merlin knows I do, but he's pure evil."

"Harry..." Teddy says desperately "P-p-please don't make me choose... I think he's really upset."

"Did he cry? He can do it on cue, you know." Harry says with a look that says, _and_ _I don't know whether to be amused or annoyed by him for it. _

"He did cry b-but... he just seemed so upset... he hugged me" Teddy sighs, Harry gives him a funny look.

"Alright just... don't buy him anything... and don't let him manipulate you."

"Harry, he's n-not like that."

"Look, I do love him. But he's a Slytherin. They're _all_ like that."

"So, what did Daddy say?" Albus smirks, stretching out on the sofa. The cushions are half pulled out and that darn magazine is askew again. Teddy straightens it and asks Albus to get up, so he can straighten the cushions. Albus scowls and stands.

"You never answered my question" he whines, nudging Teddy's backside with his foot as he bends to fix the sofa. Teddy almost falls forward.

"He's going to let you stay."

"Fan-fucking- tastic" Albus punches the air and grins. "I say we celebrate. Any decent pubs kicking around here?"

"I've n-no idea" Teddy says, begging to reorder his sofa.

"You've no idea?" Albus scowls. Teddy wonders what a sixteen year old wants with pubs in the first place.

"Nope. I must say, I d-d-don't think your p-parents would approve much of your drinking."

"I don't go to drink." He snorts "I go to pull!... So, where do you go to pull?" Albus asks

"I don't _pull, _Albus." Teddy says quietly. Albus looks dumbstruck.

"... What do you do about sex?"

"I...ah... I don't."

"... you're joking."

"I'm afraid I'm not."

"... Fucking hell..." Albus runs a hand through his hair. Albus looks like he's just been told Teddy has an inoperable brain tumour "How long has it been?"

"... I really d-d-d-don't want to t-talk about this." Teddy says primly. Albus looks sympathetic.

"Shit. That long, eh?" Albus pauses, his face indicating he's trying to work out how long a person could go with out sex without exploding. "... Weeks?" Teddy glances at him, blushes and sits on his neatly straightened sofa. "Months?" Albus exclaims. Teddy purses his lips. Albus' jaw drops "Please Teddy, please tell me you've fucked since Victoire dumped you!" Teddy folds his arms and taps his feet at intervals of three on the floor. He also resented the phase "Dumped" he was not dumped, he was jilted by an ungrateful harpy. "You haven't, have you?... Holy fuck mate..."

"Well! I... It... It's not that bad!"

"That's three years Teddy!" Albus declares, as if Teddy isn't _painfully _aware of this already. "I mean, it's been three weeks for me and I thought that was bad!"

"I... It's... It's not like I haven't had the opportunity." Teddy says. Which is a lie. A big fat lie.

"You didn't do it when you had the opportunity? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing!"

"Can you not get it up, or something?"

"No!"

"Teddy... you can tell me mate, I-"

"There is a-absolutely _n-n-nothing_ wrong with my... ah... ab-b-bility to p-p-perform. Alright?" Teddy snaps. Albus looks a little taken a back. Then he smirks and Teddy feels his inner prefect seize up. Nothing good ever came from that smirk.

"Alright!" The smirk widens, his eyebrows quirk up "Prove it"

"P-p-p-pardon?" Teddy feels his jaw slacken, he feels his insides seize up. He has a sudden image of Harry beating him to death with his own shoes.

"I said _prove it_" Albus leans close, mockingly so. His grin splits into a smirk and Teddy swallows.

"Albus... that would... no!" Teddy says forcefully. He even shoves Albus back.

"Christ all fucking mighty Teddy, there's no need to push" Albus huffs, stroking the spot on his chest

"I'm only a kid" he sneers "and on top of that, I was only kidding!"

"... I know... B-b-b-but you were making me uncomfortable." Teddy feels like he's had the wind knocked out of him. He so frequently forgets Albus is just a kid. As for him kidding... Albus should know fine well by now Teddy has no sense of humour.

"I know but... It is really funny, though."

"What is?"

"Making you uncomfortable." He giggles. Accept, it's not a sweet giggle, it's maniacal, it promises mischief and pranks and other horrific things that really freak Teddy out. "It's easy as well."

"Well." Teddy says. Nothing else to add. Just "well". Albus Snorts and claps him on the back.

"You're a right tosser, you know."

"I know" Teddy sighs. Adding mentally, _and you're a spoilt git._

In the morning, Teddy finds Lily stepping out of his floo. Her white, freckled skin is framed by thick orange hair, cut into a neat bob. Her eyes are blue and cold, her face expressionless.

"Where is he." she says flatly.

"Still in bed, why?" Teddy replies, cleaning up the ash that has fallen onto his nice clean carpet.

"I'm going to bring him home." She says with a sigh, examining her nails.

"Did your parents send you?" Teddy asks. Maybe Harry would be round soon. Harry hadn't been round in a while.

"No, I came by myself." She says with a roll of her eyes. "So no, my Dad won't be round, before you ask. They're too easy on him. He always gets away with pulling stunts like this and I'm sick of it." she drawls coolly, still looking at her nails. "You shouldn't let him get away with it either, you'll only make him worse"

"What do you mean?"

"Theodore, for a _remotely_ intelligent person, you can be incredibly dense." She sighs "Albus is essentially a two year old, desperately seeking attention. He has worked out that drawing on the walls with Mummy's lipstick and setting fire to Daddy's bed gets him a lot more attention than being a good boy. He has utilised this to maximum effect. Accept he isn't two anymore, he's sixteen. And now he's walking around the house _wearing_ Mummy's lipstick and copulating on daddy's bed with whichever trollop or man slag he's dragged off the street that night."

"... He wears Ginny's lipstick?"

"On occasion. He prefers mine now." Lily's blank face shifts into a slight frown. "Apparently I have better taste."

"Ah." Lily looked him directly in the eye. There was always something about Lily that absolutely terrified him. She had been always been far more intelligent than most members of the family but it was starting to get eerie now. She was smarter than him. Her eyes look too knowing, too cynical for those belonging to a fourteen year old girl. Every word she utters is laced with cool logic or slight contempt. She has an unnerving ability to read people, to guess their motives.

The only person she has ever failed to read properly, has been Teddy.

And Teddy is sure she hates him for it.

On top of all this, she is, for all intents and purposes, a cold, hard _bitch_.

Teddy wonders how someone like Harry could have produced this icy demon spawn. It's probably Ginny's influence.

Her frosty gaze penetrates Teddy's, it makes him flinch and want to be very far away.

"I suggest you wake him." She commands. Teddy doesn't need to be told twice. He scampers down through the living room down, to the hallway, where he knocks on the door of the guest bedroom (three times).

"Whazza?" came a muffled cry.

"Aah Albus... your sssist-t-ter is here to see you."

"Tell her I'm not here."

"But she knows you are."

"Tell her to go fuck herself with that stick she's got rammed up her arse."

"I can't d-d-do that" Teddy purses his lips and flips a nearby light switch. Albus growls

"Tell her I'm dead. I died in the night from lack of sex. My bollocks blew up and I drowned in my own spunk."

"... Right-o." Teddy wandered back into the living room, wanting to do nothing more than cower from Lily, stood tall with impatient hand on her hips. "Um... He's not feeling too well right now, you-" Lily rolls her eyes and shoves past him, muttering. She hammers on Albus' door.

"Albus." She says firmly, hammering again. At least she hammers three times before snapping her brother's name. One, two, three "Albus." One, two, three "Albus" One, two, three-

"What?" the door swings open. Albus scowls down at his sister, who merely lifts a brow.

"Stop acting like a child." She says coolly "Come home. Mum and her incessant whining are beginning to grate on my nerves."

"No." Albus huffs, stomping his foot on the floor.

"Come on." Says Lily calmly, taking hold of his wrist.

"No!" He whinges, stomping again. Lily merely raises an eyebrow.

"Don't be a baby." she warns.

"_Don't be a baby!" _Albus repeats in a high pitched mocking voice. Teddy retreats further into the living room when Lily's ears turn red.

"... You won't walk straight for a week once we're back at Hogwarts." Albus slams his door in her face. She glares and turns on her heel and takes a handful of floo powder.

"Have you ever seen me lose my temper, Theodore?" she asks, suddenly. "I mean, really lose it?"

"... j-j-j-just the once" Teddy says ruefully. It was James' Ninth birthday. He still has the scars.

"You remember it then?"

"Yes. Quite clearly." More specifically, he remembers fire, fire and baby animals and screaming. Sometimes, late at night he would awake in a cold sweat, the screams still ringing in his ears, the smell of hay and burning hair and fur in his nostrils and he would-

"I don't imagine you'd want me loosing it again" Teddy nods. The corners of her mouth quirk slightly

"You still wake up sometimes, don't you? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs."

"Yes."

"And you think, if you can look after poor Albus, you could make them stop don't you?"

"Um..."

"Because when you save little Albus, that's one lamb you might've saved."

"... N-n-none of the lambs died though, Lily, some of them had p-p-pretty b-bad b-b-burns, but otherwise-"

"And when you've save that Lamb, Albus, when you've taken care of him, you think you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the lambs."

"... Not really, no."

"... shut up." she says, with a surprising Albus like pout, she throws the floo powder into the fire and steps inside, calling her address. Just as she is swallowed by the emerald flames, she says "Do tell me Theodore, when the Lambs stop screaming."

"Lily frightens me." Teddy says, nibbling on his finger nails, as he and Albus eat breakfast; he'll have to file them later.

"She's such a freak" Albus scoffs "A massive one."

"Freak isn't a n-n-nice word."

"Freak. Freak, freak, freak." Albus spits with a self satisfied smirk.

"Could you say it t-t-twice more p-please?" Teddy asks, his insides clench, his mouth goes dry.

"No"

"Please Albus. Just... P-p-please."

"...Nu uh."

"ALBUS. PLEASE. SAY THE WORD. TWICE MORE." Teddy says, rather louder than he intended to. Albus flinches when teddy leaps dramatically from his seat at the kitchen table.

"Fucking hell!" He shakes his head, an evil grin splitting his face. "Alright then. I will. If you blow me."

"P-p-p-pardon me?" Teddy's mouth really is bone dry now. He may vomit.

"Blow me and I'll say the word twice more." Albus says nonchalantly, evil smirk still all over his face.

"This... that... IT'SNOTFAIRTOT-T-T-T-T-TAKEAD-D-D-DVANTAGEOFM-M-M-MYMENT-T-T-T-TALILLNESS." Teddy blurts. He's flustered. He can't speak with punctuation when he's flustered.

"Ted, mate, homosexuality isn't a mental illness." Says Albus in a condescending voice, patting Teddy on the hand. Teddy snatched his hand away.

"I WAS REFFERING TO- I AM NOT... JUST SAY THE WORDS."

"Blow me."

"SAY IT."

"Blow me."

"NO! I'M NOT- I'M... NO! B-B... P-p-p-p-p-p-p" The word isn't going to come out, Teddy is left spitting and stammering and twitching and turning redder and redder and redder before Albus rolls his eyes.

"Oh for fucks sake. Fine. Freak Freak." Teddy breathes a sigh of relief and sinks to the floor. "You still have to blow me" Albus says, with an evil evil giggle as he hops up from his seat, into his bedroom.

Teddy is left to calm down. Catch his breath. Bang his head against the wall at intervals of three.


	2. Chapter 2

So maybe Albus is evil. Teddy can hear him cackling in his room. He finds himself, suddenly, not feeling flustered or upset, but pissed off.

Really... surprisingly pissed off, actually.

He hasn't been this angry since Victoire jilted him (he is suddenly angry at Victoire again! Had she not jilted him (at the alter, in front of _everyone_) Albus probably wouldn't have been snivelling on his doorstep or not saying things in multiples of three or telling Teddy he had to blow him, the little shit.).

Teddy wonders, if this... Brazenness, of his, is born from actual desire (Teddy looks at his plain form in the surface of his shiny kitchen tiles... can't be that.) or just the desire to get a reaction.

The latter, Teddy thinks. He purses his lips, takes a deep breath and counts to nine.

He will not stand for the ... for the _bullshit _of his adolescent God brother! He marches down the hall way and hammers determinately on the door (three times.). If he wants a fucking reaction, he's going to get himself a fucking reaction.

"Albus!" he snaps, "Open this door!"

"Someone's eager" says Albus, as the door swings open. Albus smirks and unfastens his jeans, "I knew you'd give in." He says casually. "They always do"

"I am not giving in t-t-to you, you insolent little t-t-tart!"

"Oh I love it when they talk dirty to me." Albus says with a roll of his eyes.

"I am not!" Teddy points an accusatory finger at him "I! ..." and is not quite sure what to say "...You b-b-be quiet!"

"Right O" Albus says flatly. He pops open one of three buttons on his waist coat.

"What are you doing?" Teddy asks. Two more buttons are popped and the waist coat is on the floor.

"I'm stripping off" he says standing on one leg to pull off a sock, then on the other leg to do the same.

"N-n-no you aren't!" Teddy says, as Albus pulls of his t shirt.

"Yes, yes I am" Albus drags a hand down his toned, tan, chest, brushing his fingers over his nipple. The left one is pierced.

"When did you get that done?" Teddy asks, suddenly aware he is leering at the boy. Albus tweaks the small silver ring.

"Oh, you like that do you?"

"N-n-no." Teddy shakes his head and swallows. He remembers when Victoire had it done, her nipple, on a hunch he might enjoy it. And he did but... it wasn't quite right.

Whereas, the ring on Albus' flat chest, lightly muscled and well toned, is making his trousers feel... rather, ah, tight.

Albus merely smirks and pulls off his trousers. His eyes, dark and flashing, flick up to look at him.

"Oh God" he giggles "You're hard!"

"Am n-not."

"You are!" Albus claps delightedly "Theodore Lupin, you kinky fucker!"

"A n-n-nipple ring is not particularly kinky, Albus"

"Really. And you'd be an authority on kinkiness would you Mr. I-haven't-fucked-in-about-three-years"

"Well... f-for three years before that, I was with Victoire"

"And?"

"... You know, I'm n-not going t-t-t-to go into detail b-but... Our sex life wasn't exactly what you'd c-call..."

"Existent?" Albus cuts in snidely.

"Conventional." Teddy sighs "It was one of the few things ab-b-bout our relationship that was always... d-d-different."

"Oh... Oh really?" Albus grins. "Fucked a lot did you?" He says breathily, licks his lips. Teddy shrugs and Albus' grin grows.

"Come on then, take that out and prove it to me" he sniggers "Unless you're lying. Or scared."

Now, usually, at this point, Teddy would have said "Okay fine I'm scared, good bye, we're having tuna pasta for tea" but something inside him snaps. And then that something rises up through his gut into his throat, bursting out of his mouth.

Teddy thinks, suddenly, this is the part of him that made the Sorting Hat say "Gryffindor?" before it cackled and said "Oh Merlin no!".

Teddy smirks (Smirks! He hasn't smirked since he was six and he deliberately broke the vase Ginny got from her mother on her and Harry's wedding day. Of course Harry had told Teddy he was very disappointed with him and Teddy had instantly burst into tears. But still!)

"Fine." Says Teddy, trying to keep his voice even. "Take those off," every ounce of concentration in his body focuses on not stammering "and bend over the bed."

"What?"

"You have been trying to get this reaction out of me for the last four days." Teddy snarls. Albus blinks at him.

"Well... not exactly. I was expecting you to be a bit more..."

"Submissive?"

"Yeah, that's it." Albus says nervously, hooking his thumbs into the elastic of his underpants. "Tell you the truth, I had images of Victoire fucking you with a strap-on."

Teddy pursed his lips. It was only the once... and he hadn't enjoyed it very much...

"Yes. Well, we m-mustn't judge a book by it's cover." Teddy says evenly, cursing himself for stuttering. Albus swallows.

"I don't. I don't usually... bottom" he mumbles. Teddy changes his his stance and lifts an eyebrow (suppressing a grin. Teddy bets he looks all confident and commanding.) Albus breaks eye contact and flushes.

"Oh?"

"I've..." Albus' shoulders slump forward and he flicks his hair in front of his eyes. "Are you actually going to do this, because I was only winding you up." he says, forcing a laugh.

"Tease." Teddy spits, he rolls his eyes "And you have the g-g-gall to say _I'm_ scared" Albus' eyes widen.

"I'm not scared!" He says, with a childish stomp of his foot. "I'm not! You're the one who's scared! You were completely straight not ten minutes ago! And anyway, I'm in control of the situation here! What would my family say if they found out what _you _were trying to do to me!"

"And after you tell them that, how do you think they'd react if I were to t-t-tell them you instigated the entire situation." Teddy drops his commanding tone and reverts back to his own voice. Reedy and quiet. "I wasn't sure what I was d-d-d-doing, honestly! He c-climbed into my bed in the middle of the n-night" He picks his darker tone of voice back up again, edging closer to Albus "Naked, hard as a rock and d-desperate for my cock."

Before Teddy knows it, he has Albus pressed up against the wall, green eyes, dark and glittering staring up at him, open wide with something between shock and amazement. Albus is ridiculously hard. Teddy shifts the thigh Albus is pressed against and the boy shudders and arches beneath him.

"You" Albus swallows "You wouldn't dare" he says forebodingly but his voice quivers, near a whisper.

"And weren't you convinced n-not t-t-ten minutes ago, I wouldn't dare do anything like this" Teddy lowers his head, putting his mouth well within kissing distance. Albus is panting beneath him now.

"Well. Full of surprises today, aren't we Teddy?" and before Teddy can respond, Albus has grabbed the back of his head and his slick tongue has slithered it's way into Teddy's mouth. Albus' fingers tug lazily at his shirt buttons, getting about two undone before they give up and move down to his belt buckle and his fly.

Teddy is almost too preoccupied with winding his fingers round soft tendrils of wild black hair to notice there's a surprisingly shaky hand working it's way into his trousers, slipping below the elastic waist band of his Y-fronts.

Albus sputters and breaks the kiss, his face twisted in an expression of complete shock, he pulls his hand back.

"What?" asks Teddy. Albus blinks at him.

"What do you mean what?" He scowls.

"... I m-mean what." Teddy looks around nervously, Albus pouts at him.

"You're just trying to make me say it."

"Say what?"

"Oh, like you don't know!"

"Alb-b-bus," he began, politely, quickly pausing and swapping his tone for one that was darker and harder. "Tell me." Albus' scowl drops to a glare.

"Your cock is disconcertingly large." He replies. The glare has drifted and dropped into something else entirely. The expression on Albus' face is almost... hungry.

His tongue peeks out and coats his lips.

"You d-d-d-don't look t-too disconcerted. Any more." Albus merely smiles, shrugs and slides his hands over Teddy's arse, pulling his hips against Albus' stomach (Teddy being considerably taller than Albus) while Albus presses himself against Teddy's thigh. He shivers.

"Never thought I'd grab an arse and feel fucking corduroy under my fingers." Albus says, making a low noise in his throat while he presses hard (really _really hard_) on Teddy's thigh again, giving his arse an indulgent squeeze. "You don't make any sense, Lupin."

Teddy isn't listening. He runs his hand up Albus' torso, tweaking the nipple ring and gaining the most unbelievable gasp from Albus, who pushes his entire body forward.

"F...fuck me" he hisses. "Merlin...fuck." his hips grind and swivel again and Teddy tweaks the rings once more.

"If you insist." Teddy mumbles, satisfied as Albus lets out that gasp again.

"M'close. M'close just from... fuck" Albus mutters, still pushing his groin on Teddy's thigh. Teddy breaks free from the death grip Albus has on his arse and, in one swift movement, grabs the boy by his shoulders, turns him and presses him against the wall. Albus whines at the loss of friction and looks over his shoulder, his face flushed crimson, and says "Against the wall?"

"Yep" Says Teddy, wandlessly he summons lubricant, assuming Albus would have so lying around somewhere.

Sure enough a small tube flew into his hand, Teddy pulls the cap off with his teeth and spits it on the floor.

He coats the fingers on his left hand, puts the tube in his mouth, and tugs Albus boxers down with his clean hand.

Slowly, he presses his lips on Albus' neck and a finger to his hole. Albus gasps; Teddy hesitates.

"Sorry." Albus mumbles. "Got a shock. Keep going." Teddy nods and works the finger inside Albus, moving it faster, till Albus makes a low noise in his throat and he inserts another finger. Albus groans and pushes back on Teddy's fingers, which Teddy scissors a few times making Albus toss his head back and whine something incoherent.

Teddy turns Albus round again and hoists the boy's legs around his waist. Quickly, he tugs down his trousers and pants, drops the lube from his mouth into his hand a squeezes out a considerable amount. He throws the tube rather carelessly onto the floor and coats his cock. Albus watches intently, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open.

Teddy positions himself at Albus' entrance and slowly pushes himself inside. He is unbelievably tight, it takes almost every ounce of self control Teddy has not to drive himself forward and fuck the boy into the wall. Till he can't walk straight for a week.

He watches Albus' face twist with pain, a small whine escapes his lips, which Teddy covers with his own. Albus doesn't kiss back. Teddy feels his face scrunch up and his eyes flutter madly.

"You alright?" Teddy asks, separating from Albus' lips. Albus nods, but turns his face away from Teddy. He seems to be looking out the window. Once Teddy is full inside Albus he waits for a moment, letting the boy adjust to the sensation.

Albus scowls and impatiently grunts,

"Get on with it, Teddy!"

"Sorry." Teddy mumbles. He pulls out, then pushes back. Albus hisses and scrunches his face up again. Teddy thrusts again, the hiss is a bit quieter, the face relaxes a little.

After a moment or two, Albus' legs tighten round Teddy's waist, arms tighten on his neck, his breathing changes, now coming in heavy pants. Teddy can feel the boy's heart pounding against his chest.

He starts to move faster, deeper, till he has Albus groaning his name. The grip his legs have on Teddy's back is like a vice. Teddy shifts the angle of his thrusts slightly, hitting Albus' prostate and making the boy yelp and wriggle beneath him.

"What was that?" he asks breathlessly. Teddy doesn't answer, he thrusts into Albus again and the boy's uncut fingernails dig into his neck. He cries out louder. "Do it again." Teddy obeys. Albus swears loudly and throws his head back so fast he bashes it on the wall.

Teddy then ignores Albus' pathetic whine of pain and pushes forward, thrusting as deeply as he can, Albus arching and squirming and crying out. Teddy takes one hand off the wall and reaches between them and begins to fist Albus' cock in time with his movements.

It's no more than a few strokes before Albus' entire body tenses and he screeches, spilling himself onto Teddy's hand and his own stomach. Albus goes limp beneath him, hair even wilder than usual, flushed crimson, covered in sweat and come streaking his stomach. With that near perfect image of debauchery in his head, it's not long before Teddy's thrusts lose their pace. He drives into Albus erratically, the sound of their skin slapping and Teddy's grunts are all that can be heard in the room.

With one final push Teddy collapses forward as his orgasm rushes up on him. He sinks his teeth into Albus' shoulder as he does, muffling his cry and marking the boy.

Teddy's legs lose any of their standing capabilities and he crumples on to the floor, bringing Albus with him.

"You are aware, Teddy" begins Albus, panting heavily, his face buried on Teddy's chest, "That you fuck at intervals of three?"

"Pardon?"

"You go: in, out, in, out, in, out. Pause. In, out, in, out, in, out. Pause. It's really weird."

"You d-d-didn't seem to mind much."

"No. I didn't." Albus yawns. "Still weird though. I'm going to get up and shower." Albus hoists himself up and stretches. He gives a cheeky smile. A smile that shaves years off him. A smile that hits Teddy like a fist in the bollocks. He just fucked his sixteen year old God brother. Roughly. Against a wall.

"Right." Says Teddy. Albus cocks a brow and strolls out of the room, down the hall and into the bathroom.

"Are you still going to be lying on the carpet when I get back?" He calls over his shoulder.

"...P-p-probably"


	3. Chapter 3

And Teddy is still lying on the carpet when Albus gets back. Teddy is trying desperately to keep his breathing even. Albus rolls his eyes and begins to towel off his hair.

"If you're going to have a break down mate, can you do it in your own room?" he asks. Teddy stands rather awkwardly, neglecting to remember that his trousers and pants are still round his ankles. Albus smirks. Teddy wonders how he can be so... blasé about the fact that Teddy just... fucked him. Hard. Against a wall.

"Sorry." Teddy says. He can't make eye contact.

"And pull your trousers back up." Says Albus coolly. Teddy swallows and does as he is told. Albus giggles. The evil giggle.

"Right. G-g-g-good idea." Says Teddy. Albus giggles again.

"And I just heard some one come in through the floo." He says. Teddy's eyes widen, he fastens his trousers and runs down the hallway, through the kitchen into his living room. Only to find Harry.

Teddy wonders why the universe has forsaken him so.

"Oh G-G-GOD!" he yelps. Harry raises an eyebrow.

"Hullo Teddy... are you alright? You're looking a bit... flushed." He says with a little smirk and a wink. "Got someone back there?" he grins. Teddy's heart, which has been in his mouth for the last forty five minutes or so, slams down into his stomach and stops beating.

"Guh...?" is all he can manage.

"Ah I got ya." Says Harry with a proud smile. "I suppose my Albus is out somewhere as well?"

"Hmm!" squeaks Teddy.

"No need to cover for him." Harry winks again "Quite the lady's man, our Albus. Gets that from his Dad." Harry shakes his head and smirks "Man's man as well... Doesn't get that from his Dad as much but... as long as he's happy."

"Mmm." Teddy nods.

"I'll bugger off now, eh? Leave you and your lucky lady friend, to it." Harry sniggers. Teddy makes a funny noise. The snort of noise you'd imagine a cat would make if you kicked it up the arse. "Me and Ginny just wanted to invite you and Albus to Sunday dinner. Might be able to talk him round, get him to come back home and get out of your hair."

Teddy manages a weak thumbs up.

"I'm sorry Teddy, I'm going now, really I am." Harry smiles "I'm so glad you're finally moving on a bit it's-"

It is at this point, that Albus decides to wander through into the living room, just a towel slung across his hips shouting,

"So who the fuck was it that you're taking so long?" Albus stops dead behind Teddy. He can't see his face, but the quiver in his voice says enough "Oh... hello Dad." Harry's jaw drops. Teddy may vomit.

"Albus... what have I told you about putting on clothes in other peoples houses?" Harry snaps. Albus mumbles.

"Please do." Harry rolls his eyes and nods, Teddy feels Albus relax behind him. Harry scowls.

"... is that a nipple piercing?" he asks.

"Maybe."

"Your Mother is going to kill you if she finds out."

"But she won't though, will she dad?" asks Albus, Teddy can tell Albus is looking remorseful, pathetic, with his bottom lip stuck out. Harry sighs.

"Nah, she won't, don't worry." He mumbles "I hope you'll tolerate our company for Sunday dinner?"

"'Kay."

"And then we can have a talk about you coming back home." Says Harry firmly, Albus shuffles on his feet.

"Whatever." He sighs. "Who's coming on Sunday, before you go?" asks Albus. Teddy winces, his mind screaming, _JUST LET HIM FUCKING LEAVE!_

"Ah, Victoire, if that's alright with you Teddy?" Teddy nods, but he shan't be speaking to her. "Her, um James is popping round as well, Dominique, Ron, Rose and Hugo should be there as well. Your Uncle George and his lot were going to come but they cancelled on us this morning. Oh! And I think Rose is bringing the Malfoy kid with her as well."

"Scorpius is coming?" Albus asks enthusiastically and Harry nods. "Oh, cool." He says more nonchalantly. "You can go now." He says. Harry chuckles.

"See you later boys." He says as he scoops up and handful of floo powder.

"Bye Harry." Says Teddy, as he watches Harry get swallowed up into the fire.

Instantly, Albus begins to cackle.

"I wish I had seen your fucking face!" He screeches "My Dad! My fucking dad and his perfect fucking timing!"

Teddy staggers over to the sofa and collapses, face first, onto it.

"J-j-j-just please tell me you know the rules." Says Teddy, gnawing on his fingers. Albus rolls his eyes and curls his lip.

"Oh for fuck's sake Teddy. Yes I know them. I know then because this is the twenty first time we've been over them." He spits, glaring. "No touching you, no making innuendos, no saying anything that could be construed as even remotely sexual. And nothing out of the ordinary." He sighs. He grimaces as he pushes on his trainers and shuffles over to the fireplace, next to Teddy. The ugly grimace stays twisted onto his face.

"Right. Thank you." Says Teddy, scooping up a handful of floo powder. Albus continues to grimace. "Why are you m-m-making that face?" he asks. "That ff-f-face is out of the ordinary!"

"Oh. Well..." Albus' eyes glint, his gaze drops downward "You're a big feller Teddy. Stuffs kind of aching down there a bit." He mumbled. He cold chill ran down Teddy's spine. The bottom dropped out of his stomach and it's contents ooze upward, pool in his throat and threaten to spill out. His mouth goes dry.

"What?"

"I think you've hurt me, honestly." Albus nods. Teddy drops the handful of floo power and leans back against the mantle piece, his chest tightens and this awful feeling of guilt overwhelms him. His lungs crumple up and Teddy gasps. Albus giggles.

"Merlin's tits Teddy will you calm the fuck down! I was _kidding!_ Breathe!" he snorts. Teddy relaxes, glares and cuffs Albus across the back of the head.

"You are such a shhhit." He hisses. Albus rubs the back of his head and gives a huffy scowl, with an edge far more vicious than Teddy had seen before.

"Watch your mouth." He snarls, through clenched teeth. "I can easily tell them what happened."

"And I c-c-can easily twist it t-t-to sound like it was all your fault." Teddy replies, attempting to sound cool, unable to hide a note of panic in his voice. "You drove me t-t-t-to it. Begged me. P-p-practically-"

"Alright Lupin! I've got it!" Albus' face relaxes. He holds both hands up in defeat. "Touché." He grumbles.

"G-g-good." Teddy feels... a little calmer. Not much though. "We'll go through, n-n-now then."

"Good." Albus nods once and scoops the floo powder up off the floor and chucks it carelessly into the fire. He steps in, shouts his address and grabs Teddy by the wrist, hauling him into the fire.

They are greeted by an empty living room. Victoire enters through the arch connecting the living room to the dining room. Her long blonde hair is unwashed and pulled back in a light pony tail. Her t-shit is loose and stained, her jeans the same. She begins to call over her shoulder.

"Uncle Harry someone's!" She looks forward, her face drops "... Oh. Hello Teddy." She says, an awkward smile stretching across her face.

"Victoire." Teddy sniffs "How are you?"

"I'm great! Er, work's going really well, I think I'm finally actually..." She tails off and shakes her head "You know what, never mind. How are you?"

"... M'fine. S'pose..." Teddy mutters, turning to look out the window.

"Er.. good! I'm glad!" She says, nodding earnestly. Her voice drops and when Teddy looks back, she has a solemn look on her face. "I heard about your Grandma." She says quietly. She edges toward Teddy, tentatively placing a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, she really was a wonderful woman." Teddy shrugs and turns back to the window. "You're holding up alright, aren't you?" Victoire asks.

"It's b-b-been four m-months now Victoire." Teddy says sharply, tugging his arm away. "I'm fine."

"Oh that's... that's good then. That you're not too upset about it. Still." She clears her throat. Teddy looks at his shoes. Then at Victoire's. Her trainers are scuffed and worn. Grandma had been terribly fond of her. "And you're alright as well Albus?" she asks abruptly. "Heard you and the 'rents had a bit of a tiff, eh?" Albus smirks and snorts at her.

"You're so down with the kids Victoire." Cuts in a familiar voice, accompanied by a click of high heels. In the doorway stands Dominique, in all her leather mini-skirted, halter necked glory.

"When did you get here?" asks Victoire, her lip curls.

"Just now. Demetrius dropped me off." Dominique smirks. "He's a porn star." Victoire narrows her eyes.

"Oh he is, is he?" Victoire asks snappishly. She puts her hands on her hips, a gesture which her sister copies. They stand nose to nose with each other or rather, nose to chest. Veela genes or no both sisters have inherited their heights from the Weasley family.

Dominique is just barely taller than her grandmother, while Victoire stands at over six foot.

"Mmhmm." Dominique smiles smugly "I've just been on a photo shoot you see. For _Wicked Witch_. I'm on their cover next month." Victoire blinks and turns to Albus and Teddy.

"My sister everyone, destroying the feminist movement one wank-mag cover at a time." She sneers and applauds. Dominique narrows her eyes and mimics her sister.

"My sister everyone, stuck up bitch." Victoire, upon processing that insult, reaches for her wand, before a bony freckled hand wraps around her wrist.

"C'mon girls, calm it down." Says Ron sharply. Albus wrinkles his nose and Teddy doesn't exactly blame him. Judging by the smell, Ron has _already_ found his way to the wine. Victoire snatches her wrist from Ron's hand and pulls her wand from her pocket, pointing it at her sister.

"Stay out of this Ron." Snarls Dominique, making a grab for her wand as well. "Go have another drink. Lord knows you've helped yourself already."

"Oh, so who's the stuck up bitch now?" says Victoire haughtily. Teddy swallows when he sees a jet of crimson sparks fire from Victoire's wand.

"Why don't we j-j-j-just change the subject, hmm?" Suggests Teddy.

"Good idea Teddy." Says Albus earnestly. A little _too_ earnestly for Teddy's liking. "How's the divorce going, Uncle Ron?" Albus smiles.

The can is open. The worms are everywhere.

"Shite." He spits, staggering over to the sofa "Hermione's fucked off to Puerto-Rico now! With fucking _Paulo_." Ron's ears glow red as the name is spat from his mouth "Left me with the kids, took most of the money!" he rolls his eyes "I was holding her and her valuable charity work back. Making her miserable." He kicks at the neatly polished floor, scuffing it. Teddy winces.

"Well if providing for her and giving her children was making her miserable... then..." Ron loses his thread and sits in silence for a moment, before abruptly spitting "She's a bitch! Valuable charity work my arse. You know what she does?" he slurs "It's one big ego trip, that's what she does! Her and Paulo off teaching magic to kids in tribes in remote little piss hole villages in remote little piss hole countries and... fucking in a tree." Ron waves his hands and sneers. "But that's exciting you see. He's only twenty three you know! He's younger than fucking Teddy!" He points accusingly at Teddy. So accusingly, Teddy is tempted to run from the room screaming _I never touched her!_

"She was with him for about a year before she left me as well, the cheating Banshee." He mutters.

At this, Teddy frowns.

Teddy's first exposure to sex had been at a Christmas party at Harry and Ginny's old penthouse in 2006. On his way to the spare bedroom (to fetch his knitting needles) he'd walked in on Ron and a recently widowed Luna Scamander in a rather... compromising position.

"Do you see L-l-luna m-much these days Ron?" asks Teddy. Albus shakes his head at the abrupt change of subject, muttering _fucking random _under his breath.

"Most weeks, why?" says Ron. Teddy shrugs.

"N-n-no reason." As if sensing a tension in her living room, Ginny walks in, Rose and Scorpius following behind her.

"I thought I heard voices." Says Ginny, with a smile. She has gravy on her forehead. Rose pushes past her.

"You came!" Rose squeaks, running over to Albus and flinging her arms around his neck. Scorpius shuffles along behind her.

"Alright mate?" he asks over Rose's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Says Albus, spitting out a mouth full of bushy hair. "Rose, you're choking me." Rose detaches herself.

"So, how have things been going?" she asks.

"You owe me ten galleons, that's how." Albus says with a self satisfied grin.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." She says. "Already?" Albus nods. She gasps "SLUT!" pulls a face, grabs both Albus and Scorpius by the wrists and drags them into the hallway. Teddy hears the three of them stumble up the stairs.

"What on earth was that about?" says Ginny, looking at Teddy. He shrugs.

He shrugs and swallows.

He feels rather like some one just threw a brick at him when his brain finally processes what he just heard. He is about to make a beeline for Albus' room, when James bursts through the floo, Lily bangs down the stairs with Hugo and Harry calls everyone into the dining room for drinks.

"Goodness me Darling, you're looking a tad pale." Says James in the faux accent he assures everyone is, _Just something he picked up around the theatre, daahling. _Teddy wipes the sweat from his brow.

"P-p-pale!" Teddy squeaks "P-p-pale you say? Why, I-I-I'm always this colour. This the colour I am James! You're paler than me anyway you... you ginger p-p-person you." Teddy mutters. James' nostrils flare.

"... I think you'll find my hair is _auburn, _thank you very much." James drawls sharply. "Victoire, lovey, Is Teddy having one of his... ah... mental breakdowns?" he asks Victoire with a very poor attempt at a whisper "He's more twitchy and defensive than usual."

"I AM NOT T-T-TWITCHY AND DEFENSIVE!" Teddy snaps. Every pair of eyes in the room settles on him, brows furrow.

"Jeez blud!" Pipes Hugo, plucking at the gold chain around his neck "Take a chill pill, innit!". (Teddy swallows the scream of YOU AREN'T BLACK HUGO! That always threatens to burst out of his mouth whenever he sees the stupid little boy with his stupid little hats and his stupid hoodies and his stupid little... stupidy stupid.)

"Teddy? Have you taken your potions this morning?" Victoire says, sounding concerned "Are you alright? I'm... I'm worried." Her brow crinkles. She exchanges a glance with Harry who says,

"Why don't you go and get Albus. Take a minute to yourself and calm down eh?" Harry leans across the table and pats Teddy's hand. Teddy drums his fingers on the table. He brings his hand up to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose, before slamming his fist down on the table.

"All of you. SSSTOP l-l-looking at m-me like that!" he growls.

"Teddy, calm down." Says Ginny firmly. Teddy glares and stands up without a word, going up the stairs.

He hears a chair push out from it's place and Dominique say, "Just leave him Love, he'll be alright."

Teddy stomps up the stairs and goes to one of the spare bedrooms. He slams the door behind him and collapses against the it, sliding down it and burying his head in his hands. Embarrassment and guilt and panic flood his body. Down into every nerve, making him quake where he sits. He wishes the ground would split open and swallow him whole.

He shouldn't have touched Albus. He shouldn't have let him. In the space of four days he's become even more of a nervous wreck than he was after his Grandma died. A nervous guilt ridden wreck. A nervous, guilt ridden, probably-at-least-a-bit-gay-now, wreck.

Teddy takes a deep breathe. "Just till the end of dinner." He reminds himself. "I can leave him here and go back to living by myself." He mutters.

He takes another deep breathe, then another and wills himself to stand. He walks down the corridor and knocks on Albus' door, poking his head around.

The three of them are sat cross legged on the bed. Albus smirks when he sees him. Rose bursts into a fit or giggles. Scorpius stares admiringly at his crotch.

"Ah... d-d-dinner's ready." He says. "They w-w-want you to g-go down st-t-tairs." His fingers tighten on the door knob. Rose does a poor job of swallowing her laughter, screeching as she leaves the room and Scorpius doesn't say anything as he follows her. Albus stays sat on the bed, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"So. It was a b-b-bet?" Teddy asks.

"Ah... yeah. Sorry about that Teddy." Says Albus. " But I... Can I explain?" Teddy shrugged. "I sort of said to Rose... I bet Teddy's bent. Sorry. And she said, no he isn't, him and Victoire used to stay in the room next to mine at my house, based on the screams, he's straight." Teddy flushed. "I said... Ha... um... He's clearly in denial... I bet I could turn him. Ha..." Albus shuffles and winces. Teddy acctually doesn't think he's seen him look guilty before. "And um... well. You know the story after that..."

"Oh. Well. Well d-d-done there." Sniffs Teddy.

"Got ten galleons out of it, though." He says lightly, with a nervous, crooked smile.

"Oh well! B-b-b-bully for you Albus!" he applauds (quietly though) "Fan-fucking-tastic work! Really! Your d-d-dignity out the window! And m-mine! All the work I've d-d-done to c-control my n-nerves without my Nan, p-p-p-pretty much p-p-pointless!" he gasps involuntarily "I've been near to a f-f-fucking p-panic attack all d-day you know." He snaps "Not to mention a nice bit of... bloody... sexual confusion to top it all off!" He says, the pitch of his voice steadily climbing.

Albus swallows and looks at the ground.

"... M'really sorry Teddy." He mumbles. Quiet... sincere. Nothing Teddy hasn't seen Albus do before. False apologies really are his forte.

"B-b-bull shit!" Teddy growls. "You have n-n-no idea what you d-d-do t-to people!" he Walked toward Albus, bent down to his height "D-d-do you have ANY idea how t-t-terrible I feel?" he asks. Albus looks away. "T-take that as a no, then." It is all Teddy can do not to slap the boy across the face. Albus sighs and looks imploringly into his eyes. Again, Teddy has seen the look before. He has seen Albus look away and sneer a matter moments later. Laugh at whichever relative he has just duped.

Teddy shakes his head.

"I'm leaving." He says.

"Teddy. Wait." Albus whines, clasping Teddy's shoulder. "It's not Bull shit. I... I just." He stops. Closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breathe in and out. He grabs the back of Teddy's head and kisses him. Slow and deep and almost. Almost romantic. Almost sincere.

Teddy shoves Albus back.

"No." Teddy says. "No. J-just-" his breath hitches. "I don't want to see you for a very long time, Albus." He says calmly.

Albus is bright red. He balls his hands into fists and nods.

Teddy leaves without saying another word.

"Where's Teddy gone?" asks Victoire. "Is he alright?" Albus gives a curt nod and sits down next to his Dad.

"Are you... Are you okay Al?" asks James. Albus nods again,

"We just got into a little fight, that's all. He went home. I think he needs to be alone for a bit." Albus says. His Mum goes to speak.

"Just leave it Ginny." Says Dad, looking concerned. Looking concerned and more than a little suspiciously at Albus. Rose mouths _what the fuck?_ Over the table. Albus rolls his eyes, mouths _fucking drama queen, _back, with accompanying prissy hand movements. Rose smirks. He sees Lily glare at him out the corner of his eye.

Rose goes "oh!" and drops ten galleons on the dinner table and slides them over to Albus. Albus scoops them up and shoves them into his pocket.

* * *

A/N: Well there we have it :) thank you for all your kind reviews. If I do a continuation of the universe, I'll post it as a new chapter of this fic.

Thanks for reading!


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